11 Ways to Conquer Separation Anxiety in Children
Make
Sure They Know What to Expect – Prepare
your child for what will happen so that there are no surprises. Read books
about school. Visit the playground. Talk to him about what it will be like. Let
him know that you won’t be staying with him and how the drop off process goes.
Read Children’s
Books – The Kissing
Hand is a classic book and can be wonderful for
young kids going to school for the first time. The
Invisible String is also wonderful. It’s a great
way to teach the concept of being connected even when we are physically
separated. **The counselor has both of these
books in the office, if a family would like to borrow!
Sing a Goodbye Song or
Have a Good Bye Saying - Another way to
deal with separation anxiety is to have a special goodbye song or saying, after
which the child knows they have to go. I like, “Goodbye for Now, Hello Again
Later!” Or, try “The Kissing Hand”
yourself – kiss the palm of your
child’s hand, and they will know your love is close by! They can kiss
yours too in case you start to miss them!
Wear A Special
Bracelet or Carry a Special Token– One
thing that might help is if your child wears a bracelet for her parents to
remind her that they are thinking about her. Some kids like to carry a token in
their pocket, or a hankerchief sprayed with mom’s perfume. They may
also like to carry a picture. For some children, this is comforting.
Plan “3 Special
Steps” – On the show “Special Agent Oso”, James
Bond-type friendly bear uses ‘three special steps’ to solve problems and do
basic tasks, such as getting dressed or making a salad.
The 3 special steps is something you can use and adapt it for just
about any situation that causes anxiety. Talk about the situation before it
happens, and then give small tasks to focus on while it is happening. Step one:
Get in the car and drive to school. Step two: Walk in to class. Step three:
Say ‘hello’ to teacher and start your day!
Check Your Emotions
– Parents should try to be as positive as
possible during drop off, too. Kids definitely sense parents’ anxiety and
sadness, and this can make the transition into the classroom even more
difficult for the child.
Let Them Walk In – Act confident and be joyful for your child! If you are
hesitant of letting go kids WILL pick up on that. Make sure they walk into
school; when they are carried in it might send the message that you are
hesitant.
Don’t Go In
the Classoom – It helps if
parents don’t walk into the classroom during the first few weeks of school. It
helps delineate home from school. It also really helps with separation for both
parents and children and makes the transition so much easier for the children.
Yes, there are tears sometimes, but not nearly as often when parents walk into
the classroom the first week or so of school. Likewise, it may be easier to
have the child get on the bus.
Don’t Linger – Before departing from the door, give a quick kiss or hug,
maybe a silly song or funny handshake to say goodbye, but don’t linger. And if
your child is crying, know that 99% of the time kids are feeling better and
actively engaged in the classroom within moments.
Give Praise – Rewards! Try a “No Cry Goodbye” Punch Card or Sticker Chart
for your child and reward them! Not only do things like ice cream or a
special toy work for making it to the car without tears, to the classroom
without tears and through the day/week, but VERBAL rewards. Silly celebrations
and top of your lungs ‘YOU DID IT’s’ J
Try A Transition
Activity - In situations where all other tricks
and tips have been tried, work with the teacher or counselor so that your child
has a task/job/privilege to complete immediately upon getting to school. That
becomes the transition activity and something to look forward to in focusing on
rather than dreading the separation.
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10 Tips Anxious Kids
